My boyfriend and I are both in AA, and he is also a recovering crack/heroin addict. We’ve each been clean and sober for several years. We have dated for a year and a half. For the most part, we have been very happy together. He is 45 and has lived at home helping his elderly parents for the last 4 years.
He has decreased his meeting frequency, abandoned his sponsor, and recently injured his back. He was prescribed Vicodin. He has totally shut me out for a week because of the back pain (which ignites serious feelings of fear and abandonment in me—-further irritating him). He hurt his back earlier this year, and went through something similar.
He has been irritable, taking potshots at me, grilling me about private conversations I’ve had with my sponsor. While he has always kept in touch with me when ill, etc., this time he has almost totally stopped communicating with me.
How do I handle this situation? I always arrange my life around him.
it sounds like he is definitley in relapse mode. tell him you are there for him, to help if he wants it. dont nag him, there is nothing you can do other than offer support. If he asks for help, help him. other then that don’t carry his luggage.
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:10 pm
it sounds like he is definitley in relapse mode. tell him you are there for him, to help if he wants it. dont nag him, there is nothing you can do other than offer support. If he asks for help, help him. other then that don’t carry his luggage.
References :
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:24 pm
sorry to say new drug same down fall,you have to decided with all the in site of your past are you strong enough to go through this but as the sober one.
References :
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:35 pm
girl, you need some alanon. it sounds like you are getting a little co-dependant. for us coda’s the relationship and controlling it becomes our drug of choice, with a little direction you can get your perspective and then evaluate the relationship a little better, dont do anything rash until you work on you a little.
besides, it never hurts to make a man wait a little for you, ya know, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that stuff.
good luck,
lily
References :
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Sounds like he relapse and is mad at his self and don’t know how to let you know in fear of what you might do. So now he is jones’n, Vicodin is not good for a recovering addict of herion. Don’t bring up the relaps, just watch him and his actions you will know because you have been there yourself. He let you know or he will show you more signs of relaps, and he might just be in a lot of pain but pain killers are so addicting.
References :
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
you should try to convince that person to not drink alcohol.
References :
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Another AA member here, also sober several years. Sorry to hear about this–it does sound like your boyfriend is walking down the relapse path right now. But, as I am sure you know, you can’t work his program for him. So, keep talking to your sponsor, going to meetings and working your own program. It would not hurt to go to some Al-Anon meetings too, and listen to what they have to say about detachment.
Good luck. Make sure you stay sober no matter what!
References :